Enduring Darkness
by LivingDreams
Summary: I continued to follow him, running as if my life depended on it… my life did depend on it. On him. On James. I needed him. He was my happiness, my joy, my love, and I’d lost him. All over again... JL. AU. Set in their 7th Year
1. A Taste of Pain

**Enduring Darkness**

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, or any of its characters…

**A/N: **This fic is AU… so don't come up to me and go 'oh that never happens' cause I know it doesn't. This is a fanfic, not a copy of the real thing. (Sorry if that sounded harsh and rude, I've just had some people email me it before so yeah.)

**ONE -×- A Taste of Pain**

She sat there, in her dark and lonely corner… waiting… waiting for someone who never came…

She sat there, with tears that were glistening as they rolled down her cheeks. She sat there, with her head in her knees, thinking… wondering how she could have been so dumb to trust him. His eyes had been so hypnotizing… she just has to be the one to fall for them. Why? Why couldn't it have been someone else? How could she have been so dumb?

She'd believed him. Every single word he'd said to her ever since their first year. All those compliments, all that sweet-talk…all were lies… How could she have not seen that it would end like this? Time after time he'd broken her heart, but they always ended back together…but not this time. This time, he'd gone over the edge… way over the edge.

This was their seventh year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. They'd survived six years of ups and downs.

A fresh batch of tears welled up in her once bright and beautiful eyes. Now they were sad, empty and almost… dead. She'd lost the love of her life, except he obviously didn't think she deserved him. How dare he call her a slut? How dare he insult her and torment her so badly in front of everyone else. If that was about pride, then he should deflate his head, in fact, she'd be glad to do it for him, and probably would have done if she weren't too kind, sweet, caring and gentle.

She wouldn't hurt a fly, even if it landed in her food, she probably would have given it all to the fly. She was picked on by girls for being his girlfriend, but respected also, for her kindness and smarts. She was the top of her class in every class. He was right behind her, if he'd studied, he may even be the same as her, but he never bothered. He was too enraptured in his maraudering and being the 'world's biggest prick' as some would call him.

He was the leader of the infamous Marauders, who loved playing pranks, in fact, they'd play a prank on anyone they met (but this didn't include her), not caring how much trouble they got into. Actually, they were pretty proud of their detentions and point deductions. It was a wonder they got into Gryffindor at all with all the mischief they got up to, but none the less, they were brave, and noble, and clever (well, all except one) as a Gryffindor should be. He had midnight black hair and gorgeous brown eyes the made every girl drool, but he never looked at any other girl twice, for he had her. He had best friends, who were also her friends. There were four of them, in the marauders. They'd nicknamed themselves Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs. He was Prongs, who was also captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch team. He was _the_ most handsome guy at Hogwarts, and it went without saying, that he was also _the_ most popular guy at Hogwarts. Padfoot a close second, but he never stuck with any girl for longer than a day or two, three depending on how pretty they were. Padfoot was the guy for a one night stand then dump the girl the day after that. None of Prong's friends would have thought he would be the kind of guy to settle with a girl, but he did. With her. For six years. Until someone intervened and try to win him. That someone did anything and everything in her power to break those two up, to make them hate each other, and last week, it worked.

She, on the other hand, was quiet and sort of shy. She had red hair down just below her shoulders and those emerald eyes gleamed like pearls in the sunlight. She was beautiful, he was gorgeous. They both had the brains, the looks, and the sense of humour. They were perfect for each other. They knew it, everyone else knew it, sure there were a lot of heartbroken girls, but they got over it after a week or two, and soon got used to the fact that they'd never get Mr. Quidditch-Captain-Leader-of-the-Marauders. She had best friends too. Two, in fact. Arabella Figg and Melissa Laine. (Yeah, I'm using the same ones as my other fic… if I don't it'll confuse me) They'd stuck by her through thick and thin, through the best times and the worst. But where were they now? No where near her. They'd believed that she committed a crime that she never did. They believed it, all because of one girl. The girl that wouldn't give him up to her so easily. The girl was Jasmine Brown. The true slut. She'd framed her. Framed the poor girl in the corner. The poor unwanted girl. Lily Evans. She'd done nothing wrong yet she was accused of so many things. The pain bore down on her. She felt like she was going to die, but her brain wouldn't let her. She can't give life up. If she did, then she'd have lost. She'd have played right along with Jasmine. She'd have done everything Jasmine would have wanted her to. To give up him. _James…            _

-×-

**A/N: **Okies, first chapter done. Brill? Good? Okay? Bad? Utter Rubbish? Let me know please!

**-3 Always,**

**-3 Cryst**

**AKA LivingDreams**


	2. A Hint of Hope

**Enduring Darkness**

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, or any of its characters…

**A/N: **This fic is AU… so don't come up to me and go 'oh that never happens' cause I know it doesn't. This is a fanfic, not a copy of the real thing. (Sorry if that sounded harsh and rude, I've just had some people email me it before so yeah.)

**TWO -×- A Hint of Hope**

****

She woke up. Her eyelids were still heavy. She felt weak. Weak, tired and dehydrated. She lifted a hand and felt her cheek. It was wet. Had she been crying in her sleep as well? No wonder she felt dehydrated. She looked up at her surroundings. It was the Astronomy Tower, and she was still in her corner. She'd been there all night. She looked out of the balcony. There were no traces of sun; it was a dark and gloomy day. You'd think that after a week, your break up would be old news, wouldn't you? But no, not if you were James' ex. Not if everyone believed that you did the 'unspeakable', even if others had done it before. Not if everyone thought you deserved to die, even if it wasn't that big a deal what you did. She couldn't believe how blind and dumb they were. She didn't do anything that others hadn't done already, in fact, it wasn't even her doing. Why would she **ever** do something like that? This was **her** they were talking about!

_Jasmine Brown… you Slytherin slut! I don't know where you got that proof to get me onto the Hogwarts-Hated list, but you won't get away with it. Even if you've managed to break up James and I, he will **never** be yours! He will **never** go out with you. You will get what you deserve… one day… _Lily thought. She probably would have cried again, but seeing as how she'd been crying every day and night for the past week, she didn't exactly have any more water in her body to form tears in her eyes.

She tried to stand, but her legs were numb and powerless. She had to hold on to a nearby table to heave herself up. She began towards the door, dragging herself along, using the lines of the tables for support. She felt like she would collapse any second, but she stayed strong until, all of a sudden, it was as if her legs were no longer there. It was as if the jelly legs curse was put upon her. She fell, her arms no longer able to support her. She fell, and let out a cry of pain. Her eyes were tightly shut as she felt like a thousand knives were piercing her, slicing off the skin on her legs bit by bit, but of course, she knew it was a spell, but who did it, exactly?

She heard the door creak open in front of her, then, a gasp. _Oh great, don't tell me they found me again! Is there no where I can hide?_ But instead of the shouts, abusive punches and kicks and rude remarks she was bracing herself for, she heard a familiar feminine voice say, "Lily! What are you doing here? You look terrible! Don't tell me you were running from –," but the speech stopped there, as if the owner of the voice just realized the truth: Lily had been hiding yet again, just like she had a week before.

_You lied to all of us and stepped out of line, Lily Evans, but nobody deserves this kind of treatment, especially since…_She thought.

Lily opened one eye and tried to lift her head to see who was there. _Black shoes… red and gold rimmed robes… a Gryffindor? _She observed, but before she could see any more, she felt an overwhelming dizziness mixing with the headache she'd had before, then, everything went blank.

The dark-haired girl who stood before her sighed. _I come here to finish some work, yet I find the most hated girl in school lying sprawled across the floor with countless numbers of injuries… Man, she looks a state!_ And it was true. Her hair was a disheveled mess, her robes were tattered and torn, she had bags under her puffy red eyes, and worst of all, she had bruises and cuts all over her body, some which were still bleeding.

The lady sighed again. _Poor Lily. You'd think they'd be nicer to the Head Girl, but I guess…_

Somewhere not so far away, a growl of a dog was heard.

-×-

Lily's eyes snapped open; she sat up in bed, breathing very heavily with cold sweat on her forehead. She'd had another nightmare, but this time, they'd killed her. Yes, she had had recurring nightmares for a week, yet they felt too real to be nightmares. _Thank Merlin… it was just a dream…_Lily thought. _Wait… where am I?_ She looked around. White curtains, white beds…

"Oh thank Merlin! You're awake! It's about time too; you've been asleep for two days! All the members of staff were worried about you"

Lily looked up. "Madam Misha? I'm in the Hospital Wing? But how?"

"I don't know, dear. I heard a knock outside the door then I found you there. Oh, and there was also a note –"

"A note?" Lily questioned, "May I see it?"

"Um… yes, dear, but first, your medicine." Madam Misha rushed, as she pulled out a bottle of rather mushy looking grey stuff that stunk of smelly feet. Lily gagged. She had no intention of downing that stuff. "Now, dear, medicine first, then note. No medicine, no note."

_Oh great, blackmail… staff are allowed to do that?_ Lily reluctantly removed her hand from her mouth. "Was there a… name on it?" She wanted to say at least a 'thank you' to the person who'd saved her… and, she supposed, she wanted to know who, in this school, would still help _her_, unless it was one of the teachers, but they wouldn't just… leave. In class, Lily had the Profs to defend her, but afterwards…

"No, dear, I'm sorry," She answered whilst shoving the fowl-tasting medicine down Lily's throat. Lily felt like she was going to puke, whist Madam Misha fumbled around, and finally pulled out a scrunched up piece of parchment and handed it to Lily.

Lily, who was still recovering from the medicine, took it with a shaky hand, and then began to read silently to herself.

_Madam Misha,_

_I found Lily looking like she'd been dragged through a bush backwards and bitten by flobberworms (though that was probably not the case)…_

Lily begged to differ, but continued reading.

_Please let her stay in the Hospital wing for at least three weeks where she may be able to have a long rest so she can heal properly. She will probably be safer there anyway. Please take good care of her._

_Thanks._

Lily felt her eyes begin to water. She'd recognize the handwriting anywhere; after all, it was the handwriting that had copied her work so many times in the past. _Bella! You still care…_

-×-

**A/N:** Another chapter done. Yay! :D Hope you liked that… it wasn't as sad as the last one, well, at least Lily isn't COMPLETELY alone now, but what was the dog doing there? And what exactly did Lily 'supposedly' do? I'll leave you guys to puzzle on that… for now, anyway.

**Thank you SOOOOOOOOOOOOO much for the reviews! You don't know how much they mean to me, seeing as I don't usually get any anyways. Thank you all!!!**

I'm hoping to get another three reviews, then I'll update again!

**-3 Always,**

**-3 Cryst**

**AKA LivingDreams**


	3. A New Acquaintance

**Enduring Darkness**

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, or any of its characters…

**A/N: **This fic is AU… so don't come up to me and go 'oh that never happens' cause I know it doesn't. This is a fanfic, not a copy of the real thing. (Sorry if that sounded harsh and rude, I've just had some people email me it before so yeah.)

**THREE -×- A New Acquaintance**

****

"Madam Misha, **please **let me go! I- I'm fine, really!" Lily begged, as a tear rolled down her cheek.

"No, dear, there is absolutely no way, not in your state! See? It hurts so much that you're even crying!" Madam Misha exclaimed, her eyes wandering to the cuts on Lily's arms, for the hospital uniform was sleeveless.

"No – Madam – I – that's not –," Lily found it hard for words to escape her lips, the knowledge that someone apart from the professors believed in her. Madam Misha help up a hand – a signal to say 'stop right there'. "I will hear no more. You will stay here for at least a month until you make a full recov-"

"A whole **MONTH**?! I can't afford to miss-." But Madam Misha put up her hand yet again. "As I was saying, you will stay here for at least a month until you make a full recovery, longer if those other students don't leave you alone. During your time here I will allow no one to see you just in case – never mind, anyway, a smart girl like yourself will find it a piece of cake to catch up, besides, Albus found a tutor for you. He just transferred her from Durmstrang. A handsome young man, too. He was a Head Boy, and very smart too. From what I know about you, I think he's about two months older than you. I'm sure you two will get along just fine."

Lily was not exactly worried that she'd never be able to catch up, she'd actually wanted to talk to Bella, but seeing as she knew how stubborn Misha could be, she gave in. _A Durmstrang pupil? Head Boy? Who? When did he – _Lily thought. It was as if Madam Misha read her mind. "His name is Jason, dear. Jason Andrew Misha, he transferred here a week before your – _break-up_."

Lily did not need to be reminded of that yet again. The infinite number of scars did that for her, so instead she decided to think about her future tutor. _Jason Andrew Misha… wait… **Misha**?_ "He's your son?" Lily asked, a bit surprised. _I guess that's why he transferred, but Misha has been here for years now… I wonder what happened…Why did he only come here recently?_

"Yes, dear, although it wasn't my decision who tutored you, but I must say, it is a privilege for Jason to be teaching such a prized student." Misha smiled. Lily blushed at this compliment. "He should be coming here today, in fact."

"Oh." Was all Lily could say, she wanted badly to talk to Arabella. She wondered if Melissa still hated her, but at least she had one friend who still cared. _I'm glad Bella was the one I ran into, and not… _Lily shook the thought out of her head. She no longer wanted to think of the name that got her into this mess, the name that caused her so much despair and misery. _I wonder what Jason's going to be like… I hope he isn't going to try to poison me or stab me like most of Hogwarts is… I don't understand why the incident is such a big deal to them… it's not like it has never happened, in fact, it happens all the time, yet they don't go hunting others down trying to murder them! I didn't even… do anything… _Lily thought as she tried to blink back tears. She didn't want to think about it, but her mind had something different to say. _I don't understand…how did I betray you, James? Why are you willing to believe Brown over me?_

"Dear? Dear, are you okay? Why are you crying?"

"Huh? Oh… I… n-nothing." She'd been crying without realising it, again. She quickly wiped her face with the back of her hand.

"Dear, if it was this bad, why did you not come to me before?" Misha questioned. Lily didn't know. Why did she never come? Was it because she didn't want to miss class? Or that she wanted to prove that she wasn't a wuss like Jasmine had accused her of being? "I… don't know." She answered truthfully. Misha looked at her sympathetically.

"Don't worry, dear. I'm sure things will be better soon."

Lily looked up and forced a smile of gratitude. "Thanks." She murmured, although she didn't believe a word of it. She turned her head, and stared into nothingness. An unreadable expression on her face, but if you looked hard enough, you could see her emerald eyes flaming with anger. It must have been at least twenty minutes, and Lily was still staring like she had before, until someone called her voice.

"Lily?"

Lily's gaze moved and rested on a tall and handsome dark haired, dark eyed man standing at the foot of her hospital bed. He looked very much like James, minus the glasses.

"Hi, uh… I'm Jason – Jason Andrew Misha. Pleased to meet you." He smiled. It was a small but dazzling smile. He had perfect pearly white teeth.

"Likewise." Lily said, barely audible. She'd managed a faint, sincere smile; it was the first real smile she'd smiled in ages. _He looks just like James… Just… like… James…_

"Um… how are you?" He asked politely.

"Fine, thanks. You?"

"Yeah, I'm okay. Are you up for your uh… 'lesson'?" He looked at Lily with concern in his deep brown eyes.

"Sure." Lily replied, though she barely looked it. She'd been rather quiet, and looked paler than she was against her red hair. She wasn't up for this at all. She wasn't ready to see a James look-a-like. Not just yet. Not after what had happened. It reminded her of the recent past… of how everything was so perfect until…__

-×-

**A/N: **Sorry! Cliffhanger! I couldn't resist putting one in! Well, at least now you know that all will be revealed in the next chapter, but it'll be a while before she sees James again. How will they patch things up? **_If_** they patch things up? I have a good idea in my mind, but I'm up for suggestions!

**Once again, I'd like to thank all of my reviewers!!! You all mean loads to me!!! Thank you!!!**

Okay, let's see if I can get five reviews this time before I continue. If not, I'll just update whenever I can write it up, but I'm just saying five 'cause I've got S.A.Ts coming up, so yeah, I need to revise.

**-3 Always,**

**-3 Cryst**

**AKA LivingDreams**


	4. Truth, and Deeper Secrets

**Enduring Darkness**

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, or any of its characters…

**A/N: **This fic is AU… so don't come up to me and go 'oh that never happens' cause I know it doesn't. This is a fanfic, not a copy of the real thing. (Sorry if that sounded harsh and rude, I've just had some people email me it before so yeah.)

**2nd A/N: **If you didn't get what I was coming to, the line 'It reminded her of the recent past…' was leading up to flashbacks, telling you what happened, so here it is! Flashbacks are in italics. Tiny bit of fluff at the beginning, not too much though…

**FOUR -×- Truth, and Deeper Secrets**

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=Flashback=

_"Hey gorgeous," James smirked as he came from behind Lily and wrapped is arms around her slim waist. She giggled like a first year who had just had their first crush. She turned around and buried her face in his neck, taking in his hypnotising cologne._

_"Hey. Where've you been all day?" she asked him._

_"No-where important. Why? Missed me?" his smirk grew wider as she punched him playfully. "You wish." She joked._

_"I do wish…" and before Lily could answer he'd leant down and…_

=End Flashback=

"Lily? Are you okay?"

"Huh?" Lily snapped out of her daze. She was back in the hospital wing. Back to reality. Back to the horrid truth. "Um… yeah… I – um… I don't think I'm quite up for tutoring today… It's just that-"

"It's okay." Jason smiled. "I'll come back tomorrow, or when you're feeling better, okay?"

Lily nodded. Jason smiled again as he stood up and walked towards the door. "Don't let her get to you, okay?" He said, and walked out without waiting for an answer.

"Don't let her get to me? Easy for you to say…" she said to herself.

=Flashback=

_"Look who it is… **Lily**! The worthless whore!" A voice mocked._

_"Get out of my way, Jasmine." She replied, not letting the comment get to her._

_"Ooh! Touchy! You shouldn't be so rude, now that you don't have James as your little… protector." Jasmine smirked. It was an evil smirk – one that Lily never wanted to see. Her eyes were so cold, so harsh that it scared Lily._

_Lily trembled slightly, but stood firm. "What are you talking about?" she shot._

_"Oh Lily, Lily, Lily… LILY!" she whispered menacingly, each 'Lily' louder than the one before it. She scooted to Lily's side and whispered into her ear words so quiet they were barely audible. "You'll find out soon."_

_Jasmine's smirk grew even wider as Lily gazed at her in suspicion. She became even more confused when Jasmine stepped aside, allowing Lily to pass._

=End Flashback=

Lily felt her eyes tearing up again. _It wasn't long after that… not long after that…_

=Flashback=

_"Hey James." Lily sighed tiredly as she walked into the Gryffindor common room, glad to be out of the way of Jasmine. She slumped down next to James, who was sitting with his back to her on the couch. Even when she came in he didn't bother to acknowledge her. She frowned. "James? What's wrong?"_

_James turned and stared at her with piercing brown eyes that were blazing with anger. Lily slid back an inch, frightened. James stood up, towering over her at a height of 6'2. She was sitting down, so she was barely 4', even if she stood up, she'd only have been 5'8._

_"We're through." He hissed. "And you should know why."_

_He began walking away._

_"Wait!!!" Lily called. She was mystified. "What are you talking about?! Why?"_

_James laughed. It wasn't one of his laughs when he was kidding around. It was a cold laugh; a laugh that contained no feeling, no emotion, no love. He thrust her an envelope. It was the envelope he'd been clutching tightly in his fist. It was creased. Lily picked it up. She opened it and gasped. Her eyes grew wide._

=End Flashback=

Lily's eyes were tightly shut, trying to block out all these painful flashbacks, tears were, once again, streaming down her face.

=Flashback=

_There was a letter, and three photos. They showed her with someone. They showed her pecking him on the cheek, hugging him, and walking down Hogsmede holding his hand, but the 'him' wasn't James._

_"Still wondering, Evans?"_

_Lily was hurt. He'd never called her Evans before, well, apart from the first time they'd met. And yes, she **was **still wondering as her eyes wondered back to the photos. She didn't recognise the guy; in fact, she'd never seen him in her life. He had hair darker than __midnight__, eyes as cold as ice, and a face paler than you could ever imagine._

_"I…" Lily started, but before she could pour out the fact that she didn't know who he was, didn't know how these pictures were taken, James had gone._

=End Flashback=

Lily still couldn't understand it. Who was that guy? She honestly had **never** seen him in her entire life. _Why won't you believe me James? Every time I tried to explain, you'd blank me out. _

=Flashback=

_"James? James let me explain-" Lily cried desperately, following James out of the common room early in the morning. He ignored her, and continued power walking forwards, making it difficult for Lily to catch up with him. "James PLEASE!!! I swear, that NEVER happened!!! I don't even know who he is! James why won't you listen to me? Why won't you believe me?!"_

_"Sure Lily, you never knew him, you never met him. That's what they all say. The proof is right there! How can I still believe you?!" James replied coldly, never turning or stopping. "If it wasn't for Jasmine, I'd probably still be your little finger puppet. I must remember to thank her."_

_"Jas-" Lily stopped dead in her tracks as she watched James' retreating back leave her. Possibly forever…_

=End Flashback=

She was shaking with fury. Some proof! Everyone now thinks she's a godforsaken slut. They think she cheated on James. That was unforgivable in many students eyes, especially if you were in the 'James Potter Fanclub', but as soon as most pupils hated you, the rest would follow.

Lily was snapped out of her thoughts and frustrations by a knock at the door. As it opened slowly, a figure she knew oh too well stepped in.

"Bella? Why are you here? How did you persuade Madam Misha to let you?" Lily couldn't help but look at Arabella Figg with respect. Anyone that could get past Madam Misha was worthy of a trophy.

"She's not here… I don't know where she is. That's why I could sneak in…" came the reply as Bella moved towards Lily's bedside and sat down.

"Oh." Was all Lily could say. They sat there in awkward silence for about two minutes. Then Lily spoke up. "Hey… um… thanks for saving my life."

"No problem. You didn't deserve that much pain." Bella grinned. Lily smiled. She was happy. Very, very happy, until Bella asked her…

"But I don't understand why you had to work for _him_…" Bella's grin faded into a look of disgust, making Lily confused. "Who?"

"You know who. He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named."

Lily's eyes grew wide. "What?! Bella, **WHAT **are you talking about??!!" she almost yelled, but quietened as Bella mouthed the word 'Misha'. "Bella, I have _no _idea what on earth you're talking about."

"Look Lily, you don't have to lie, Jasmine told us about it-"

"_Jasmine? **Jasmine**?_You're willing to believe a _Slytherin _over **_me_**?! And who's 'us'?" Lily questioned. _If Jasmine even told people that I was working for **him** then God knows what else she's been telling everyone!_

"She's only told the Marauders, Melissa and I. For some reason she doesn't think it's appropriate to tell the rest of the school just in case it gets to the teachers. She's sworn us to secrecy…"

"Bella! Don't you see? She's afraid it'll get to the teachers 'cause it's not true! You can't believe her you mustn't!" Lily pleaded.

"Lily, don't you think we've figured that out?" Bella began to giggle. Suddenly it dawned on Lily that she'd just asked her that to wind her up, but she had no doubt that Jasmine had actually told her friends those things. "Look, Lils, we realised yesterday when we found out that the photos were fake." Lily gasped with shock, hope, and joy. "Turns out that she'd got someone, we don't know who, but she got them to magically forge fake ones, but there was one important flaw: the photos had a date to them. The date was the day she got them to make it: 10th October."

Lily was confused. The date sounded so familiar. Then… "Our anniversary! James and I spent the whole day together on that day!"

"Exactly. I remember you guys stayed up till midnight on the 9th, then stayed awake till midnight again on the tenth, then you came into our dorm looking absolutely knackered and slept straight away." Bella laughed, reflecting back. Lily laughed with her. She felt overcome with glee that it truth was uncovered. "The Marauders are currently working on telling the rest of the school this. Now they all hate Jasmine."

Lily laughed again. Jasmine got what she deserved, and Lily can now go back to being 'Lily'. She felt so relieved. She thought she couldn't be happier, but Bella's next question begged to differ.

"So… friends?" Bella asked, extending a hand forward. Lily took it. She treasured the moment. Things could finally go back to normal, or so she thought…

-×-

Meanwhile, in Dumbledore's office, five hooded figures stood in front of the Headmaster. One of them spoke up. It was a woman's voice.

"He's coming back. He wants her. He wants her powers, her strength. If he doesn't get them, then he'd rather have her dead. He's already used that Jasmine girl to frame her, she was beaten half to death the other day. Who knows what he'll do next!"

"I can be there to protect her, but she's not in the mood to welcome any new people into her life." Another said. It was a young voice – in his teen's maybe.

"I know very well what he wants. We must keep a close eye on her, make sure she doesn't get hurt again, as for welcoming new people, I'm sure she'll be very up for that, now that not many hate her, and if I'm not wrong, one of her friends should be in the hospital wing telling her this, so make the best of it." Dumbledore replied, the last part of his speech directed at the lad who'd just spoken…

-×-

**A/N: **Wow! Longest chapter currently!!! Hope you liked it! Lily is no longer hated (did I rush that?) and the Marauders will probably visit her in the next chapter (uh-oh) but the plot thickens…

**OH WOW!!! SO MANY REVIEWS!!! I honestly didn't expect this many reviews so fast!!! In fact, I didn't even expect this many reviews!!! When I'd got my five reviews I hadn't even started writing!!! Thank you SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much!!! It really encourages me to write more! (Hence the reason I've written so much!)**

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I'm hoping to get eight reviews next (means getting me up to twenty-two), 'cause I'll be busy with exams, but if I don't get that many it doesn't matter, I'll just post up when I have time. Thanks again! Oh, and please inform me of mistakes I've made.

-3 Always,

-Cryst

AKA LivingDreams


	5. A Memory of Darkness

**Enduring Darkness**

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, or any of its characters…

**A/N: **This fic is AU… so don't come up to me and go 'oh that never happens' cause I know it doesn't. This is a fanfic, not a copy of the real thing. (Sorry if that sounded harsh and rude, I've just had some people email me it before so yeah.)

**FIVE -×- A Memory of Darkness**

****

Lily was sitting up on her bed chatting happily away to Bella, her 'renewed' best friend, laughing at what they'd done over the past summer. It seemed like years since they'd been apart, yet it was only a few months. She was smiling. Her eyes had that gleam again. The shimmer that everyone loved to see in the Head Girl. It meant she was in a good mood. She'd let anyone off detention – even if she'd caught them throwing dungbombs at her bed, hence the reason the Marauders tended to use this chance to prank anyone and everyone. 

The door opened. Both the girls' eyes darted towards it, afraid that Madam Misha was there, but it wasn't her. They relaxed in an instant.

"Hey Jason," Lily greeted. She was back to her normal self. The non-hating, kind, gentle girl she was before. She felt the last month had changed her somewhat – made her almost…vicious, but that was all in the past.

"Hey. You look like you're in a good mood. What happened? And who's this charming lady?" Jason was referring to Bella in the last part. Bella blushed at this comment. Lily giggled.

"Yeah. Everything's wonderful! I want to get out of here as SOON as possible!" Lily replied, forgetting to mention the likes of Bella until a rather… un-subtle cough was heard from beside her. "Oh… right! Um… this is Bella."

Bella smiled at him as he nodded his head faintly in her direction. "Wow… he looks like James!" she whispered into Lily's ear. Lily nodded.

"Lily, there's no way Madam Misha will let you out until at least another two months considering how you're usually crying (Bella shot Lily a look of apology, Lily just gazed at him wondering how he knew this then remembered he was Madam Misha's son), so don't get your hopes up! In fact, I think she's coming now, so Bella, it was a pleasure meeting you, but I really think you should go before-" But Jason never had a chance to finish his speech, for a middle-aged lady burst through the doors.

"MISS EVANS NEEDS REST! HOW CAN SHE GET REST WHEN SHE'S GOT YOU HARASSING HER?!" Madam Misha screeched. Lily tried to tell her that Bella was her friend, but Misha just held up a hand, stopping her from saying whatever she had in mind. _Darn she's good at that hand thing. _Lily thought with a slight sulk. Bella took off immediately, whispering 'I'll see you later' into Lily's ear. She brightened up again immediately.

Just as Arabella opened the door, she turned around, wondering why Jason wasn't also going. Madam Misha obviously picked up on this. "He's her temporary tutor! Now, please, get out, whoever you are!"

Bella threw Jason a look of confusion, which he returned with a shrug. Only when she had left did Misha turn to Lily and ask her, "Are you okay, dear?"

"Yes, madam, but you see, Bella's my _friend_!" Lily explained. Madam Misha seemed to have a guilty look on her face, but said, "I'm sorry, Lily dear, but you need your rest. Jason will teach you everything you've missed later on." Then, turning to look at Jason, she added, "Now you, come back after dinner, okay? Shoo."

Jason grinned and walked out.

Lily could no longer hold in her question. She had wanted to ask it since Madam Misha came back. "Madam Misha? Where have you…_been_, exactly?"

Madam Misha was caught off-guard by this question, but was still able to answer her. "Lily, dear, it was… staff business."

"Oh."

-×-

"Well?" an eager James questioned as soon as Arabella walked through the door.

"Well what?" She asked, pretending to not know what James was talking about, but she knew he was worried – after all, it was his fault that Lily was in the hospital wing in the first place. It had been about two weeks since their break up, and James was already regretting it. He had humiliated her, he had unwanted her, he had hurt her and made her cry for endless nights, and the worst part was: he had done those things because he thought she'd done things she never did, and never would do.

James looked agitated. He glanced at the four people standing beside him: Melissa, Sirius, Remus and Peter. He'd hoped they'd help him, but he knew Melissa would find out later, Peter was too daft to take a hint, Remus looked tired, and Sirius had a sly, knowing smirk on his face.

Finally, after he had had a silent debate with himself, he spoke up again. "How is… uh… is Lily – uh…" He was at a loss for words. He knew what he wanted to say, but he felt embarrassed. This was one of Lily's best friends he was facing. He knew she probably hated him for putting Lily through all the mess he did, but she couldn't really blame him. She hadn't helped her much either.

The girl sighed. She knew he was blaming himself, so she decided not to put him through _too_ much misery. "Why don't you go visit her tonight? After dinner?" she suggested. James' face brightened up. _Of course! _He thought. _Why didn't I think of that? _He mentally hit himself for being so dumb. He gave Bella a smile of gratitude. She nodded back, and then walked away to the girls' dorms with Melissa right behind her.

"James, what're you going to say to her when you get there?" Sirius asked, as soon as the girls were out of hearing range. James looked at him blankly. Sirius was right – what _was _he going to say, exactly? And how was he going to say it? He knew exactly what he wanted to say: 'Lily, I'm so sorry for being such an arrogant jerk. I should have listened to you and not some Slytherin I'd never met before. Please forgive me', but easier said than done. It takes a lot for a guy like him to admit he was wrong, but for Lily, it was worth it. The problem is: will she accept him back?

The other three Marauders were watching James' reaction carefully; they could see he was deep in thought. Sirius knew almost exactly what he was thinking. He and James practically shared the same brain. Besides, they certainly shared the same look anyway, just minus the glasses. He also spent almost all his time at James' house, if he wasn't at Hogwarts, of course, in fact, if you didn't know those two well enough, you'd have mistaken them for brothers.

Remus didn't know exactly what was going through James' head, but he could guess. Remus was brilliant at deduction; if he guessed something, you can bet that 9 times out of 10 that it would be dead on. He had sandy hair, with deep grey eyes. He was smart – really smart, almost smarter than James, in fact, he probably would have been if he wasn't sick at least once a month, for a reason only the four of them and Lily knew.

Peter, on the other hand, was squinting his eyes trying to make something out of James' expression, but he was dumb, and dumb was an understatement. He was small and mousey, and always went along with what others said for he was unable to make a decent decision for himself.

James looked up from his deep thinking to be greeted once again by Sirius' smirk, Remus' daze, and Peter's 'what-on-earth-is-going-on' expression.

"She'll accept you back, Prongs, as long as you alter your ego." Sirius laughed.

James smirked back. _Tonight – after dinner, then. _He decided.

-×-

"She's okay," Arabella smiled. Melissa sighed in relief.

"Great. Hey, why don't we visit her after dinner – we have to make sure James doesn't hurt Lily again, 'cause if he does, he is so going to be mincemeat, and I'll personally make sure of that!" Melissa joked, punching one of her hands with the other rolled up into a fist in front of her like she meant business.

Bella giggled. "Sure." She agreed. "Hopefully Jason will be there too." She sighed with a dreamy look on her face.

"Jason who?" Melissa's eyes widened. "Ooh! Bella's got a cru-ush!" she said in a sing-song voice, causing Bella to glare at her and chuck a pillow in her direction.

"Awwww! You really do!!! How sweet! Ask him out – tonight!" Melissa giggled as she dodged the pillow. Bella blushed.

-×-

Lily finished her dinner which has been a special delivery from **the **Hogwarts Kitchens. She leaned back on her bed feeling very content. She smiled secretly to herself. She couldn't wait to get out of here and resume her normal classes. She looked up as the door opened. Her smile grew wider. _Company. About time too!_

"Hey Jason!"

"Hay is what cows eat. Don't I deserve better? (Lily rolled her eyes but couldn't help but smile) You seem in a very good mood." Jason laughed as he sat on the bed next to her. "Ready for your first catch-up session?"

She nodded – she had missed out on too much already: four days of work to do. If she was going to be stuck in hospital for another one month, three weeks and three days, she may as well do the best catching up she can. Jason smiled at her and took out a pile of books: Herbology, Defence Against the Dark Arts, Care of Magical Creatures, Charms, Transfiguration, Arithmancy, Divination, and last but not least, Astronomy.

_Astronomy…_she thought. It reminded her of her corner. Her dark and lonely corner, where she sat waiting… waiting for night after night with tears in her eyes. Who was she waiting for anyway? She wasn't sure; all she knew was she had been waiting – waiting for that someone. The someone who never came.

She gazed at the pile. _So many books… such thick books too! _

Jason must have picked up on this thought. "You'll live through them, being Lily, after all." He laughed. She looked back up at him and smiled. She looked back down at the books. _Yeah… I will…_ she encouraged herself and, plastering a determined look on her face, nodded.

"Which one first? You have plenty of choices." Jason asked with a smirk.

"Um…" Lily began. Her gaze fell to the Astronomy book. Her eyes re-filled with sorrow, thinking about how she'd stayed there and cried her eyes out over life, over James. Sure James no longer hated her and no longer thought bad of her, but she couldn't stop thinking that he should have trusted her more. She couldn't stop thinking that he was to blame for her cuts and bruises – emotionally _and _physically. What could a few pictures prove? She couldn't stop thinking about his face, his eyes. Yes, those once warm and inviting eyes that had turned cold and icy so quickly it scared her. She couldn't stop thinking that the past two weeks would replay itself in the future if she ever got back with him.

"Lily, you okay?" Jason's voice brought her back to reality once again. 

"Yeah…" she muttered. She forced a smile upon herself and looked up. This time, she got a proper look at Jason. He had deep brown eyes – the same deep brown eyes that James had that captivated her six years ago. He had dark hair – darker than James'. It was black; black like the darkness that had surrounded her not too long ago. His skin was a soft tan, a bit darker than James'.

_Why am I comparing him to James?! _She thought as she shook herself from her thoughts. Her eyes fell upon his lips. His lips were smooth and were still smirking, but what she noticed most was the little bit of chocolate in the corner of his lips. She half giggled, half snorted – the combined sound was rather weird. Jason frowned at her.

"What?" he asked.

"I –," Lily began to laugh. "I – you – still have your desert on your – face!" she blurted out, with every gap in her sentence filled with her resounding laughter. Jason's frown deepened as he blushed lightly and began to wipe his mouth trying to get what was left of his chocolate cake off him, but he didn't have a mirror so his attempts were in vain.

"Here." Lily offered, lifting a hand and placing it on his cheek, gently wiping off the chocolate with her thumb when the door burst open to reveal none other than the man she had been thinking of non-stop – James.

-×-

**A/N: **Is that a cliff-hanger? I hope not… uh… -ducks as rotten tomatoes are thrown her way- uh… whoops? ():D

I also realised that my starry things don't show up

**I would still like to thank all my reviewers! You all rock so much!!! It's a shame I couldn't get up to twenty-two with the last chapter, but never mind, it doesn't matter; seven reviews for the last one is really great too! :D Let's see if this one can do just as well, yes? Or better yet, let's see if this one can do even better! :D**

Well, I've just finished my S.A.Ts (finished on Friday) so yeah, I finally had time to finish this chapter as well! :D I'm not setting how many reviews I want for this chapter, but let's just say, the more reviews I get, the happier I am, and the happier I am, the better the fic gets (and the faster I update), and the better the fic gets, the happier you all are, and hopefully, the happier you are, the more you review, and the more you review, the happier I am… get the picture? -

**-3 Always,**

**-3 Cryst**

**AKA LivingDreams**


	6. Darkness Surrounding

**Enduring Darkness**

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, or any of its characters…

**A/N: **This fic is AU… so don't come up to me and go 'oh that never happens' cause I know it doesn't. This is a fanfic, not a copy of the real thing. (Sorry if that sounded harsh and rude, I've just had some people email me it before so yeah.)

**2nd A/N:** Okay, I'm trying out POV's, so if you have high reading standards, I suggest you skip till the '-×-' a while down, even if the POV's are the most angst-y.

**SIX -×- Darkness Surrounding**

****

After witnessing the sight before him of Lily, the love of his life, caressing the cheek of what looked like a mirror image of him, James stormed away. Lily ran. Jason swore.

Melissa and Arabella, who had just arrived, stared in confusion. The rest of the Marauders glanced at each other, mouthing the words 'uh-oh'.

"What… just happened?" Bella asked, after three blurry figures just rushed past her, each chasing the one before them.

-×James×-

I ran. I didn't know where I was running to, I didn't even know where I was, but I knew one thing for sure: Lily had moved on, and left me. How could she do this to me?! I had a perfect speech planned to get her back, to tell her how much I loved her and how sorry I was for not trusting her more, but I guess that was too late. I heard a faint 'James!' behind me, but it was most likely my imagination. I didn't turn to look behind me. I was scared. What if Lily was behind me and saw me like this? I didn't want her to see how much it affected me – how much it pained me that she was with someone else. I turned a corner and ran on. Being sporty does have its uses. My cheeks began to feel wet. Very wet. Was I sweating _that_ badly? I raised an arm to wipe it off, but then I realised: it wasn't sweat.

-×Lily×-

There he was, right in front of me, running. I followed, calling his name, but he ignored me. Tears flowed freely down my face. Why wouldn't he let me explain?! I knew I'd lost his trust once again. I knew it was my fault. I should have known James may look at it the wrong way, but I didn't even know he was coming! Why do these things happen to me? Why? Merlin! What'd I do wrong?

I continued to follow him, running as if my life depended on it… my life _did _depend on it. On him. On James. I needed him. He was my happiness, my joy, my love, and I'd lost him. All over again.

No! I shook these thoughts out of my head. I wouldn't lose him. He still loved me… he was just… insecure, that's all. We'll be together again.

I looked at the slowly disappearing figure in front of me. Who was I trying to kid? He'll never like me again. Not now. And it was my entire fault.

-×James×-

I'd lost her. I knew it from the moment I saw her in the hospital wing with… whoever it was. I'd lost her for good this time. Tears out of my eyes. I let them. I'd never cried before. Never in my life had I felt so much pain. I loved her. I loved her so much I could die for her, but maybe that is the only thing I could ever do – die for her, and die loving her, even if I was never with her in life, I'd still die loving her. She'd never want me back. She has him now. He was probably one million times better than I was. He probably never would have forsaken her like I did. He probably never would have left her because of some fake pictures.

I felt like my heart had once again been stabbed a million times. It was the same feeling as the one I felt when I saw those pictures. My heart had been torn in two then, but something at the back of my head told me that it wasn't like that. Wasn't like what the pictures showed, but I decided to ignore that little message. I had to go and break it up with her. I felt so stupid. I'd thrown away love. Thrown away my life. Thrown away her, the sole thing that meant everything in the world to me. What kind of stupidity made me do such things? I was sure she hated me by now. She probably never wanted to talk to me again – ever.

I continued to run until I could run no longer. I was out of breath, and that would be saying something. I was _never_ out of breath, but I guessed that my tears had weakened me. I had never shown any signs of weakness before. Ever. It just wasn't in my system. I brushed away my tears with anger. How could I let this happen? I couldn't grow weak. Not now. Lily was probably having the time of her life with her new boyfriend, yet I was here, crying over spilt milk. There was no longer any point in my tears. They were cold emotionless tears. I let the last tear fall down, and then frowned. Never again. Never again will I become so weak. Never again would I cry. Never again would I care so much. This was the end. The end of my love for her. I can't show any more signs of weakness. Especially not in front of _her_. I would forget. Forget everything that ever happened between us. I would act like it never happened – none of it. None of our perfect kisses, none of our love. It wasn't worth it. It wasn't worth getting hurt over. I growled. I was angry. How could a simple girl do this to me? Never again. I vowed. It would never happen again.

My decision was final.

I looked in front of me. Nothing was there. Nothing but pitch darkness. Where was I? I looked behind me. Darkness. How did I run into darkness without even realising it? Then I knew. It was because of my grief – but that was now a thing of the past. I stared. I didn't know where I was staring, or what I was staring at, but I still stared. My eyes had adjusted by now – I was sure they had, but everything was still dark, darker than the darkest midnights, but I was sure it was only twilight outside. Then, I heard voices…

-×Lily×-

There I was again, in my corner. My faithful, secretive corner. My eyes were bloodshot from crying yet again. I'd chased him for what felt like forever. I called his name so many times I'd lost count, yet he still ignored me. I guess it was what I deserved. It was my fault.

I turned my face to look out the window. It was only twilight. The sky was a beautiful purplish-pink, but right now, nothing could be beautiful. I'd lost my sole purpose in living – James. He was all I ever wanted, all I ever dreamed about, and we were together. Together for many years… many happy years, but I went and screwed it all up. How could I have been so stupid? He finally forgave me for the lie Jasmine made, and then he sees me with Jason. He would have got the wrong impression. I know he would have. I knew James well enough. He'd never listen to my explanations. He probably never wanted to see me again. That's why he ran.

I'd chased him so far. If I'd actually looked around me whilst running, I'd probably have noticed that I'd practically run around the whole school, but I didn't notice. I was too busy trying to get James' attention. I was no match for him. He could out run me any day, and he did. I'd lost him after he turned a corner. I didn't know where he had gone, but I knew that from the moment I'd lost him around the corner, I'd lost him forever. He'd never want me back.

Another tear fell out of my eye. I was still staring out the window, but I had not moved from my corner. It was dark in my corner. Darker than any dark there'd ever been before. The light from outside had never been able to reach my corner. This corner was where I went to be depressed. This corner was where I went to cry till my hearts content. I'd often come after a little row with James, but even if it was only a little row, it hurt. Every time we had one of those rows, another invisible gash appeared in my heart. Now it felt like my heart had been cut up so badly it hardly existed anymore.

I loved him. I'd have given anything to be back with him. Anything. I loved him so much that I would have used my own life to replace his if ever need be. I loved him so much, but I knew that this love will from now on be forever unrequited.

-×-

"Dumbledore – I…" A hooded figure began, but stopped abruptly when Dumbledore held up his hand. Dumbledore gazed intently at the face beneath the hood behind his half-moon spectacles.

"I do not think it was your fault. However, I think I am right to presume she would currently be extremely depressed…" at this, the four other people standing in front of Dumbledore's desk glanced at the one who firstly spoke: two of them looking at him very accusingly. The man beneath the dark robe lowered his head in shame.

Dumbledore continued on, "I am also guessing that this would be another time that _he_ would strike. He has many followers – quite a lot at this school, in fact. He may easily choose another to provoke her. You must be very careful. Protect her the best you can. Right now, you have a perfect excuse to be near her and get to know her better. Do not ruin this opportunity. I trust that Clara will take good care of her also?"

The person from the right nodded.

"Well then, I suppose you had better find her, no?" Dumbledore half smiled then nodded to the door. Everyone began to make their way out.

-×-

James hid behind a knight's statue. It wasn't exactly difficult to hide. It was pitch black anyway. Nobody could see a thing. He heard a voice say "lumos".

_Damn._ James cursed under his breath. _Why didn't I think of that?_

Five hooded figures walked out of nowhere and went their separate ways. James held in his breath as a couple of them walked past him. They looked rather familiar, though James couldn't think from where as he saw their disappearing backs. Only when he was sure they had all left had he come out from behind his knight, only to hear another voice behind him.

"Come in, James."

-×-

**A/N: **Was that angst-y enough? I had a reviewer say 'the first chapter was very angst-y, till it all went downhill', well, to be honest, the first chapter wasn't meant to be angst… it just came. Anyway, was that another cliffy? I'm sorry!!! Well, at least you know a little bit more about the 'hooded figures' haha. More Marauders next time, I promise.

**Thank you to all those who reviewed, once again, you have seriously made my day! Please, please, please, please continue to review!!! You don't know how happy it makes me. As I've said before: I hardly get any reviews, so when I saw I actually _got _reviews, I was overjoyed!!! **

Once again, no set number of reviews that I would like before the next chapter is posted, but it'd be very nice to get some more!

**PLEASE READ: I am currently writing an original fic on fictionpress.com, it's called 'Jewel'. I would very much appreciate it if you would go and RR! **

**Here's the summary: It was the jewel's fault. It was the jewel that had caused her best friend's death, her father's insanity, and her mother's imprisonment, and, worst of all, her forbidden love.**

**Sound okay?**

**Here's a little extract:**

'She was clutching something in her hand: a stone – no, a jewel. A jewel that _would _have shone through the darkest nights and your deepest fears. A jewel that _would _have saved you from anything if you called upon it. A jewel that _would_ have destroyed the monsters that lurked in your worst nightmares; but why didn't it? Simple. If you'd have observed the jewel closely, closer than you'd ever observed anything before, you'd have noticed that it was broken – sliced in half, yet it looked perfectly natural; like the jewel was made that way; no, that's not right, for it was never made. It had just appeared. Appeared one day in the girl's bedroom, and turned her whole world upside down.'

**Sound any better?**

**Here's the link: fiction press. com/ read. php ?storyid=1607086**

**Make sure you don't have a gap between 'fiction' and 'press' and stuff and that you put 'www.' in front, 'cause ff.net doesn't let me put the actual link on, weirdly enough.**

**Just one thing: My username on there is 'LivingDream' not 'LivingDreams' because someone already took that username…**

**Thank you all!**

**-3 Always,**

**-Cryst**

**AKA LivingDreams**

**-http:www.livejournal.com/users/tintedroses**


	7. Wo Hu Xi Ni

**Enduring Darkness**

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, or any of its characters…

**A/N: **This fic is AU… so don't come up to me and go 'oh that never happens' cause I know it doesn't. This is a fanfic, not a copy of the real thing. (Sorry if that sounded harsh and rude, I've just had some people email me it before so yeah.)

**2nd A/N: _READ THIS!!!_** Okay guys, I've put a song into this one (actually it's the first verse and chorus, but still), it's 'Wo Hu Xi Ni' by Zhou Yu Min. It is a Chinese song, and I will have the translations up too, but it was translated by me, so it may not be that accurate, but the thing is, it's not _supposed _to be too accurate, because if I translated it literally, it wouldn't make a speck of sense. In English, the song is called 'I Breathe You'. (Literally translated, so it sounds a bit weird…) Also, I've also translated some bits a bit different, just to fit with the fic (not very different), so bear with me!

**SEVEN -×- Wo Hu Xi Ni**

James walked down the dark, deserted corridor. His mind was spinning. He couldn't stop thinking. Thinking about what he'd overheard. Thinking about what Dumbledore had called him in afterwards and told him about. He couldn't believe it was true… all the things he was told about Lily… they can't have been true. Lily Evans? _The_Lily Evans? So… half of Jasmine's so called 'lies' were true? It couldn't be…

He stopped, and turned around, looking back at the secret doorway to the secluded room beside Dumbledore's office that was _supposedly _not in use any more.

The corridor lit up. It was dark no longer. James now understood why it was so dark: so that students would not be able to find the place, and listen in on top secret conversations, like he had managed to, but he didn't run there on purpose. Heck, he didn't even _want _to find out anything, but he did, and it was because he did, he now realised what a complete prat he had been. He had falsely accused her of cheating on him, with barely enough proof, and broken it off with her, but to top it off, he had the whole school making her life utter hell, and when she was most vulnerable to _him_. It was part of _his _plan, and he had helped _him_, he had fallen into _his _trap, without even realising it.

But that wasn't his only reason for breaking up with her. If it hadn't been for Jasmine telling him that she had associated with evil, he'd have given her another chance, but he had no idea that it was this so called 'associating with evil' was this complicated. Truth be told, he hadn't really believed Jasmine at first, and after they found out the pictures were also a bunch of lies, they had thought the rest of it was too, but now…

Lily was in danger, and he needed to stop being a prick, and help her through it. That was that. But yet again, he wondered if she'd accept him back. He now knew the truth. It was stupid. No, not 'it'. **_He _**was stupid. She'd never want him back. Not now that she has the other guy.

He began to fill with jealousy. _He _was supposed to be the guy that Lily loved, but he guessed it was his fault after all. He screwed up, and now, Lily was with… It pained him to say it. It pained him just to _think _about Lily in another relationship, but that was too late now.

_Na me tou ming yi zhen xin ji,   
Na shi ni yi wang zai jing zi qian de xiang shui ping,_

_Xiang gu yi gei le wo xiang nian ni de wen rou xian jing…_

_(It is as clear as a heartbeat,_

_That is the perfume bottle you left in front of the mirror,_

_As if you purposefully set a trap to make me reminisce about your warmth and gentility…)_

James wandered around, too deep in his thoughts to realise where he was, until he looked up. It was the special dorm for Head Pupils, with a Head Boy and Head Girl's dorm that lead from it. Still in a sort of daze, he sub-consciously muttered the password and stepped in.

There, in front of a dark-red mirror, was a half bottle of perfume. Lily's perfume. He missed her. A lot. He stared at the bottle. It was tearing him up inside – remembering Lily. Her smile, her kindness, her everything. Yet he knew they'd never be together again.

_Di yi di zai zhen tou shang mian, an jing de hu xi,  
Xiang qi zai ci rang wo yu qing xing wei di,  
Bi shang yan jing hui xiang cong qian ni zong hui kao zhe wo_

_Chen chen shui qu…_

_(Dripping some on the pillow, peacefully breathing,_

_The scent has yet again brought me back to reality,_

_I'll close my eyes and it'll be like before when you always used to lean against me_

_And fall into peaceful sleep…)_

He took the bottle in his hands, caressing it, scared to lose it like he did Lily. He handled it with so much care and love. He walked into the corner of the room, where a comfy, Gryffindor coloured sofa was in front of the fireplace. He sat down, still oh so careful with the bottle, not daring to let it go. He held it up, and gazed at it, almost mesmerized by it. Slowly, he lifted a hand, and opened it. Lily's scent came flooding back to him.

His hand slipped. The bottle dropped onto the sofa, spilling some of the fragrance onto a golden pillow that was on the arm of the sofa. Cursing his clumsiness, he bent down and grabbed the bottle up again, and closed the lid. He rested his head against the pillow.

Once again, Lily's scent filled him with sorrow of the morbid present and the cursed reality of the world around him.

He closed his eyes, in-taking the scent once more, and let his imagination run with him. Away from reality, away from the pain, away from everything, and back to the way it was, when life was perfect, when Lily was with him, when they were together, and the countess number of times Lily used to rest her head on his shoulder…

_Wo hu xi ni, hu xi kong qi hu xi ni dan dan xiang qi,  
Yi dian hen ji,   
Zheng ming wo dui ni bu neng qie ge qian jing de gan qing,  
Ming ming mei guo qu de ai qing hai huo zai na li,_

_Wo you ru he neng gou zi zhi bu li?_

_(I breathe in you, breathe in the air and your light fragrance,_

_On touch,_

_Proves I cannot properly cut away our feelings,_

_It is obvious that our love has not yet left,_

_How can I know this, yet leave it?)_

He inhaled deeply. He thought about her. Her love was still there. He could feel it. Their love was still alive. He knew it. He felt her. Even though he knew she wasn't there with him, he still felt her. He was stupid. All the thoughts about forgetting about them – all of that was crap right about now. He couldn't forget her now. He knew he still loved her, and deep down, he was certain she still loved him.

_Wo hu xi ni, hu xi hui yi, hu xi ni jian chi yao li kai de jue ding,   
Ni de qi xi, _

_Wang bu diao fei san bu qu, ba zhan wo de hu xi,  
Xiao xin li li shou shi qi bo li ping sui shi wen xi,  
Wo hui xiao, ying wei kong qi you ni he hui yi…_

_(I breathe in you, breathe in the memories, breathe in your set decision of leaving,_

_Your scent,_

_I cannot forget, it cannot evaporate, it dominates my breathing,_

_Be careful of the shattered glass vase that you can look through anytime,_

_I will smile, because the air holds you and my memories…)_

He thought back, dreamt back of the days they were together, her beauty, her love. He took in her scent. How could he forget her now? She was with him. She was in his heart…forever. He couldn't forget her. She was him. She was his everything. He looked at the glass bottle that contained her perfume, and smiled…

-×-

Back in the Gryffindor common room, sat five friends with extremely puzzled faces. The Marauders, Melissa Laine, and Arabella Figg.

"What… actually happened?" Melissa questioned. She and Arabella had not arrived soon enough to see the whole thing, but by the angriness plastered on James' face that they were able to get a glimpse of, along with Lily trailing with an eyeful of tears, they were smart enough to guess that it was not good.

Nobody spoke for a moment. Arabella obviously didn't know, Peter was too dumb to know, Sirius was worried about James, and Remus was maybe too deep in thought to have even heard the question.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity of silence, Remus answered. It seemed like he had heard her after all, and his theory was of very great precision. "James obviously witnessed Lily doing what looked like caressing another guys' cheek, which I'm sure there is a different reason other than that, and took it the wrong way, then stormed off without listening to an explanation, which was what Lily was desperately following him for, trying to give him one. As for the other guy… damn he looked like James…"

Now it was Bella's turn to speak up. "James? The other guy looked like James? Minus the glasses, right?" The Marauders nodded. They had all seen the scene, and the guy. "Then… that must be…" Bella suddenly frowned. _Lily caressing Jason? But… how… why… why would…?_

"Care to continue, Miss Figg?" Sirius looked extremely suspicious. Melissa, however, seemed to have an idea of what her best friend was talking about, after all, their little 'discussion' on Lily (which turned out to be girl talk in the end) that had occurred in their room earlier, seemed to help.

"Jason…?" She whispered. Bella nodded.

Remus and Sirius' heads shot up. They both paled. "Who?" Sirius asked, barely audible, almost as if he was afraid to hear the answer.

They knew who Jason was. After seeing him with their own eyes, then hearing the oh-too-familiar name, they were certain they knew. They'd heard so much about him from James' parents. They wondered if James knew about this too, but they had their doubts. James was probably too busy thrashing things in the Head Boy's dorm room.

"Jason." Melissa answered, totally clueless about the guys' facial colour. Peter, on the other hand, looked worried, but not for the same reasons.

-×-

Jasmine walked down the third floor corridor. It was deserted. No one ever went there. No one but her. She was thinking, reminiscing. She missed seeing James. Not that he knew she was watching him or anything. She really liked him. Before, it was all a hoax, it was all under orders, but now, she knew she had done the ultimate wrong. She had fallen in love; she had fallen for James. The one guy she would never be able to have. The one guy she was not meant to fall in love with.

She thought she could do it. She was so confident back then, so strong. When _he_ asked who was up to the task, she was the first to respond. She had been given the biggest job in her life, and she thought she could do it, but she couldn't. She messed up. Badly. She never meant to fall in love. All her orders were was to split them up, tell all her friends that she was on You-Know-Who's side, make Lily depressed, make her friends hate her and get scared of her, then she will naturally come back to _him_, and she really thought she could do it, but it went wrong.

It went wrong the second she had been caught by a black dog in the Astronomy tower. She didn't fully see what the dog looked like, but all she knew was that the second the dog barked, she needed to run. She had to work undercover, and being discovered is certainly **not **undercover, even if it _was _only discovered by an animal. She couldn't take risks.

She'd tried to kill her – even under orders to leave her be after that, but she couldn't. She was jealous. Jealous of the red-haired beauty and what she had with James. She could see it in his eyes that he still loved her. She was lucky that she'd stopped before she caused more trouble. She hated to add 'killed the wanted girl' to her list of things she should have never done. In a way, she needed to thank the dog, but she'd never admit to it. It took her too long to admit she'd fallen for James already.

She didn't want to fall in love, but she couldn't help it. You cannot control love. It just happens, and it just 'happened' to her, and she hated herself for it. She cursed herself. She cursed herself from the moment she agreed to the task. She'd cursed herself to love her worst enemy, and the guy she will never be permitted to be with. The guy she would one day have to murder, but when that day came, would she really be able to do it? It's not an easy task: killing the person you love. Why did love have to strike her at the worst times? Now she was in trouble. If her master ever found out, he'd definitely kill her.

Why had she fallen for him anyway? She couldn't understand it. What was so good about him? Then she remembered. She remembered the way he looked after the split. He had looked so lost, so downcast. He looked like he'd just lost everything. She knew from then on, how he really was: caring, noble, brave, loving, and he would do anything for those that he loved. Guess the fact that he was sorted into Gryffindor kind of gave it away anyway.

She hadn't really wanted to be sorted into Slytherin. She would have given anything to be in Gryffindor, but it ran through her blood. It ran through her family. It ran through generations in the past. She couldn't help it. She didn't have a choice _but _to follow her master. She couldn't help but think that maybe, just maybe, if she was sorted into Gryffindor all those years ago, maybe she could have been with him? Maybe he could have fallen for her? But there's the other thing: if she hadn't suffered what she had before, then she probably never would have found out that she loved him.

Sure, most of Hogwarts' population of girls were after him, but she was certain that was just lust. Lust, and nothing but lust, but this was love. She knew she had gotten herself into a pile of trouble the second she realised her feelings. She knew she'd be in deeper trouble when she was called to _him _again. She may as well just dig her own grave. It'll save _him _the trouble of doing it for her. Wait, he never would anyway. He'd just use killing curse on her, and leave her body to rot.__

He was not like James. He was cruel, harsh, and would do anything to get his way. If anyone failed him, it was instant death for them. Maybe she could have another chance…? She laughed a hollow laugh. The day she'd be given another chance, would probably be the day _he _died.

-×-

**A/N: **Wow that was long! Longest chapter yet, I think. Anyway, did you like it? Hmm? Feedback would be nice. Very nice indeed =]

For those who wanted a love triangle: So far, it kind of already is a love triangle, but the thing is, it'll be much bigger than just a love _triangle_. _Much _bigger. Haha. Hope you liked the chapter!

**Thank you, my lovely, lovely, LOVELY reviewers!**

**Special thanks to (no special order):**

**×midnightprowler**

**×whereowhere-is-my-rabbit**

**×andrea-the-angel**

**for adding me to favourite authors! I'm just wondering why you don't review any more…**

**Special thanks to (no special order):**

**×andrea-the-angel**

**×Tinki-chan**

**×GinnyPotter08**

**×midnightprowler**

**×SavetheSqUiRrEls**

**for adding me to author alerts! But I'm a bit confused, because I don't think I've had a review from Tinki-chan, GinnyPotter08 (although I'm _sure_ you reviewed, I just don't know where the review has gone! If you count, I only have 29 reviews, yet it says 30, so yeah) and SavetheSqUiRrEls. I'm flattered that you all added me to author alerts, but why do you not review?**

Next chapter will be posted when I write it. Thanks again if you reviewed!!!

**If you've already read my last chapter, I changed the link at the bottom, because fanfiction.net went weird and wouldn't let me post the actual link, so here it is again for 'Jewel': www. fiction press. com/ read. php? storyid=1607086 (but without gaps, obviously. For some reason, fanfiction.net won't let me post the actual link.) The link is also in my bio, so if you're too lazy to type it, just go there and click it.**

**-3 Always,**

**-Cryst**

**-www.livejournal.com/users/tintedroses**


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